What Can Women Do?

During many decades women represented the weaker sex and at the same time carried upon their shoulders the kind of heavy burden most men are not prepared to lift. Fragile and strong, tender and strict, innocent and experienced, what raises the auction bets higher still? And why do women have such a strong need to be better quoted on the market by satisfying men’s tastes?

At a UNDP press conference on gender equality in the Republic of Moldova from the leader’s perspective the question of discrimination at the more superior levels was discussed. Once again it set me thinking about the actuality of the problem on the whole. Does gender discrimination exist in Moldova and what are the ways of preventing it?

Comparing the kind of discrimination that was very widespread at all levels not too long ago in the US, for example, to what women have to go through in our country, in my opinion, makes no sense, because these issues have totally different historic and cultural grounds. It is well known that as long ago as World War I representatives of the weaker sex exchanged long skirts for men’s sweat pants and rose to defend the country, to support or withstand the ideas of the revolution. The asexual “comrade” replaced all other forms of address. Erasing the boundaries of two different parts of mankind, “comrade” could not countervail physiology and the need of our grandmothers and mothers to remain women above all.

This was primarily obvious in the fact that life without men seemed unthinkable, although maybe less difficult and less bitter. Neither power, nor the ability to financially support the family and take care of herself could force the pain, caused by the feeling of loneliness and vulnerability, out of a woman’s heart. In many ways the data collected by UNDP in the process of sociological research, confirm the dependability of women upon men and the connection between this dependability with the basic need to experience a sense of belonging to somebody. And the truth is that a large percentage of respondents asserted that a woman is the type of person who is prepared to take on all responsibility and care, which leads to the conclusion that women are weak only when confronting men, everything else she can do as well or even better than they.

Does female discrimination exist in Moldova? It is more probable that it is present in the minds of the representatives of the “weaker sex” themselves, serving as the primary condition for encouraging a particular type of behavior on the part of most men. In other words women discriminate against themselves by demonstrating personal weaknesses and declaring their love for peculiar people that do not even deserve to be called men. Even if we pay attention to what girlfriends sometimes sat to each other, and the manner in which they express pity for somebody who has not had the opportunity to get married by the age of 25 and conceive an entire football team, it is clear how unfair they are in respect to one another.

Moldovan society and in particular its female part, sadly, creates all the prerequisites for men to experience their seeming superiority. It happens when pampering them, delighting in their willfulness and placing personal thoughts into their mouths, a woman vanishes in the shadow. Why does this happen? Because we just have the urge to be liked! Does not this explain the fact that so many more men are in important positions, while women govern from inside the house, in obscurity and insignificance?

Recently on finding out that I do not like to cook and never do household work a girl I know shocked me with her question: “So what do you like then?” As if there can be no other interests for us except washing up, cooking, and cleaning. The circle of the universe is sealed on men and their desires. What remains to turn the problem upside down is to remember the condescending look of a girlfriend, who cannot understand why you are in no hurry to get married and have children.

It so happens that a Moldovan woman can manage to marry a foreigner, get the citizenship of an industrially developed country and turn into a housewife faster, than build a career and become successful at home. It is easy to forget however that a foreign husband may quickly become a nuisance and his money will only be an endless encumbrance. Still though what can a woman do in our country? Foreigners themselves imagine the Moldovan girl – the driving force of the republic. And to a big extent this is a correct assumption, although women are not always prepared to admit to it.

A discrimination problem? Does it exist at all or is it artificially implemented as part of American or European organization projects as means of securing considerable sums of money? Of course there is a series of issues that developed countries have to deal with when helping developing countries, but not all methods are acceptable and what may work effectively in Africa, is not so effective in the center of Europe. The roots of Moldovan discrimination are completely different from the American ones. That is why the mode of approaching it should be modified.

The possibilities of men and women in landing serious jobs are generally equal; the problem subsists in the number of women that choose not to pursue these opportunities. The most obvious reason is the need to think about the family and the children, or means of getting them, if they have not come along yet. She does not possess sufficient confidence and is significantly restrained by the man’s opposition, who in most cases prefers to exercise his influence in a way that minimizes the overall circle of friends and skills for a woman.

But there are other reasons too. UNDP statistics are the best proof of that. To the question: “How many women should be in Parliament?” a large percentage of female respondents said none at all! Limitation of personal rights is concealed in the answers to other questions of the organization’s research. So how can a simple calculation and analysis bring tangible results to resolving this problem?

Discrimination in Moldova is not about smaller salaries for women or less important and responsible jobs, in fact primarily, it is the readiness of many women to sacrifice their individuality for the benefit of men, the readiness to give birth to children and forget their own personalities. The vital aspect is not that in Moldova culture “if a man abuses, he loves”, but that the woman is not willing to recognize this weakness and is not striving to overcome male predominance.

Undoubtedly, to preserve arrogant solicitude, while basking in the rays of joyless success is not the right solution. Every person in the world needs to be loved. But to conceal one’s talents is a bigger crime than to turn down a man, who asks for so many sacrifices in return for empty promises. To allow women the opportunity of discovering their talents without the influence of the opposite sex, of organizing the inside world and developing personal skills is the right way to resolving the problem of discrimination in our country.

The time for self-sacrifices is long past and nowadays Moldovan women have to pay more attention to their own selves. As an individual and after having the time of marriage and motherhood moved at least five years back, she can concentrate on the person that lives within, understand what that person is capable of and in what ways she can realize those talents to the fullest extent without experiencing any future regrets. If UNDP calls out to the women of Moldova to give up on the constant hope of finding financial and other support on the part of a man, to take initiative not only on a household level but on the level of the state government and become leaders, then the research that has been carried out does not lack in social meaning. Fighting for jobs against men just for the heck of it is pointless and unimportant, unlike the importance of winning independence.

Then let the long awaited arrival of real spring bring with it strength and energy for victories in life to the women of Moldova, and let us be loved not for our weaknesses but for our victories!

By Natalia Corobco